Carter/Johnson Leather Library January 2011 - Volume 1 - Issue 1

Points of View:

Leather & The Next Generation Perspectives – by Jaki Grier

Disclaimer: I don’t have authority to speak for everyone who identifies as Leather or The Next Generation. Nor do I believe my definitions for both groups are universally accepted. However, as a person under 35 who is navigating the Leather Community, I have noticed a disconnect that really boils down to failing to understanding the opposite point-of-view. My goal is to take situations and phrases then give a side-by-side explanation of both group’s perspective about the subject.

“What about showing a little respect?”

Respect in the Leather Community is based on having value. Respect is another way to give and show worth to yourself and others. Showing respect wasn’t just an ego boost.  In every society ever created, status and importance are partly dictated by the level of respect you exchange. Soldiers, holy men, politicians and others are given physical space as a show of respect. The respect that people show towards you gives them clues into your positioning in the tribe.If you are a teacher or a student, you would have social cues that tell others like you how advanced your knowledge was.

You have to remember, there wasn’t regular access to classes, seminars or books on BDSM subjects. Much of your knowledge was given word-of-mouth. The only way to check credentials of a teacher was to ask their students. Each endorsement was a review and they held weight.  Each previous play partner was a reference for the next. It was also a show of  Respect not to share what happens with anyone outside of the community. Respect for each other was the main safety device available.It wasn’t optional, it was a necessary part of living in a world that despised — continues to despise — what we do.

Next Generation concepts of respect leads to some interesting comparisons. In an internet age, people are profiles on a screen. You can buy leather outfits and create rich fictional histories for yourself. Giving respect is precious. You can’t take the word of someone else because the community isn’t small and inclusive, it is growing by leaps and bounds. So respect is something that needs to be earned. When Leather folk say, “What about showing respect?” they look at their years of experience as proof that they have valuable knowledge to share.

Then the TNGer replies with, “I only give respect when it’s deserved.” they are trying to say that they can’t safely take anyone’s experience as expertise in a world that is full on digital fakery and deception. Both these groups are a product of their time periods and have learned about respect in vastly different ways. There is a core similarity in how respect is handled. It is something that both groups acknowledge is necessary for growth. Both realize there is a level of trust required to fully give the respect that is due. It would do well for each group to take the point-of-views offered here and incorporate them into greater learning.

Leather folk are seeing the climate of the scene change. Take a moment to consider how difficult it would be to navigate this landscape without a trusted Mentor or outside of an established fetish family unit. The Next Generation would do well to remember how lucky they are to have access to vast amounts of information from credible trusted sources instead of the singular view of your local instructor. Years of fact checking makes it so that you can play safer without making many of the dangerous mistakes of the past. The Community we are all trying to build is about finding commonalities between us that will make us stronger against those who do not understand.

Until we attempt to understand each other, we will never be able to help others do the same. Hopefully with that understanding comes a little more R-E-S-P-E-C-T for all.